15.
retrospect. revaluate. renew. this year i took it upon myself to not set the bar too high and consequently be disappointed in myself. i spoke myself into a different type of worship - a worship that made me believe i deserved God’s mercy. for the past years and since i can remember, i never believed i deserved His mercy and hurt myself in the process - in thinking He shouldn’t and wasn’t listening to me if I wasn’t able to complete X and Y obligations. i would measure my progress in metrics of Quran pages as opposed to the synchronisation of my heart with what was around me. i so badly wanted to prove to myself that i *deserved* to be loved by Him, not realising all along that He loved me because of my efforts, and showered His mercy upon me regardless of what i told myself of deserving or not. this year, i decided to stop my projections, to stop focusing on what i don’t know and start focusing on what i do. to stop fearing that i’ll never be enough and start accepting that He is all that is needed and beyond. I half-convinced myself to take it easy, and ensured the goals i set myself were ones that were embedded in loving myself, because how can one learn to love God without applying a little of that compassion to oneself? this year, i made and am making a conscious effort to not care for the aesthetics - to not fret over the company, or lack thereof, - and to focus on myself. and just how great has it been so far? this year i decided finally to own the love i try giving to the world, and ensure when all else fails - that i genuinely believe that He loves me and will answer to me in my highs and lows. how are the rest of us doing mid-month? from: @razanspeaks, a sister observing this blessed month from Istanbul. she is currently working on a project with Syrian filmmakers to capture their stories, uplift the unrooted. contribute to the cause today! https://www.gofundme.com/syrianfilmmakers
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